Game Night, or “Why I Don’t Play Dungeons And Dragons.”

Me
You arrive in a little village, one in a poor state of repair. It is mid-afternoon, and you can clearly see the gardens overgrown, shutters drawn, little to no sign of habitation.

Jenny
I wonder what happened here?

Chris
Is the village deserted?

Me
(rolls) You aren’t able to tell. There are no people or animals anywhere in sight, and no immediate signs as to whether or not the village has been abandoned.

Nicole
Am I able to cast a spell of Clairvoyance to sense anyone around?

Me
(rolls) Yes, but before you can do that, there’s a thundering sound up ahead. Trails of fire burst forth and a strange machine appears out of nowhere, whirring wildly.

Jenny
Wait… what?

Me
It opens strangely, and two figures emerge. The taller has white hair and a look of shock on his face, the shorter is colourfully dressed and seems quite distressed. Though you’re unable to hear what, he excitedly says something to the older figure, whom he refers to as ‘Doc.’

Nicole
Are you kidding?

Chris
Hold on… can they see us as well?

Me
(rolls) No. You’re somewhat obscured by a cart, and in their excitement they haven’t noticed you yet.

Chris
We’ll approach them, carefully. Slowly.

Nicole
But I draw my bow, just in case.

Me
(rolls) Your sudden appearance startles them, and… (rolls) they take your drawn weapons as a threat upon them. The taller figure draws a weapon and fires, and… (rolls) hits Jenny, incapacitating her.

Jenny
What?? You must be joking.

Chris
Firebolt! I throw a firebolt!

Me
(rolls) Your firebolt hits the figure, and seems to kill him instantly. In a panic, the smaller figure dives back into the machine and disappears in another blaze of fire.

Nicole
I cast a spell of Rejuvenation upon Jenny.

Me
(rolls) It fails, but upon further inspection you’re able to tourniquet the wound.

Chris
I pick up the weapon belonging to Doc. Is it a gun?

Me
Yes, but your character doesn’t know that.

Chris
I study it.

Me
(rolls) You waste three of the remaining five shots learning how it works, and… (rolls) yes, one of them shoots off your penis.

Jenny
I can’t believe we’re doing this again after last week…

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  • About

    My name is Bobby.

    I write about random things a lot. I write a lot about random things.

    I write occasionally for Smashing Magazine and the London Community News online, and weekly for Interrobang, the student voice newspaper at Fanshawe College in London, Ontario.

    I've also been published by the Canadian University Press.
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