Thoughts on Survivor 17: Gabon.
1. You can make a successful career being a retro pin-up model? Surely you have to do something else, at least some other kind of modelling.
2. It doesn’t matter if you were a former Olympic Gold Medal athlete if you don’t have the stamina to make it up a hill without a dude half your age shoving your ass up as well as his own.
3. Red is the new colour of shame.
4. Hey, Jeff Probst has longer hair this season. I can’t stop looking at him now.
5. Note to Ace: Stop fucking around. I called you as the winner the second you introduced yourself. What the fuck is this bossing people around and then making them do yoga bullshit?? Are you trying to cause me pain? You’re causing me physical pain.
6. I like elephants. But I also like hippos and giraffes. If I like elephants twice as much as hippos, but less than half as much as I like giraffes, which I like to a Gth degree, then how likely is it do you think that Nicole will get me a giraffe for Christmas?
7. Bonus question: do you think it would sway her closer to getting me the giraffe if I found a way to train it to do something useful, like do the dishes or play the drums? Explain your answer.
8. I thought it was standard protocol to get rid of the useless people first, why the fuck is anyone even considering not voting for Gillian? Nicole is right, Fang has just become the tribe that I won’t care to see lose their challenges.
9. Wait a second, Survivor is starting to look a lot like Grey’s Anatomy…
10. That black woman is pretty weird about her computer, I wish I could be there to tell her to hit the ‘refresh’ key…