Anawhatsis?
Coffee: pre? Or post? You decide.
“Sigh… I’ve just finished off the last of the jam on this toast. It’s a bit of an emotional time for me. And I finished off the peanut butter just before the weekend, I think… which I know you’ve never tried, but I think you’re old enough now to know the truth.
“And that is that peanut butter is probably the most amazing stuff ever. If I had to describe its flavour, I’d say that it’s somewhere between tasting like rainbows and kisses from puppies; it goes with everything, so there’s no need to struggle when choosing a wine, and when it melts on your toast know that you’ll melt in your pants.
“Hemingway actually once said that if magic had a taste, it would be identical to that of peanut butter. And if all that weren’t enough, try this on for size: the War in Iraq was really just cos someone told President Bush that the Middle East was really after his Skippy.
“So forgive me if I get a little bummed sometimes when I run out. It’s just that regular folk like myself obviously need it to know the kind of euphoria that you must already somehow have enough of in your life. So really, would you get mad at me for not being perfect? Cos that’d be low. Way to be low.”
Are you drowning or waving? 
This worries me a little. In a matter of months you will not be able to have peanut butter in the house EVER AGAIN. Excuse the caps, but I think they are warranted considering the gravity of the situation. I just want to be sure you know what you’re getting into.
Oh, and I prefer it with the typo :op