Yellowcard cause riots.
Jacksonville, Fl. – As Monday night drew to a close, tensions ran high among music fans everywhere. The popular rock act Yellowcard performed live by request on Monday, broadcasting their concert exclusively from their Myspace profile as a part of the ‘Hey, Play This!’ concert series.
Using the MyspaceIM program, fans and users across the continent could submit requests to the band, who are just celebrating the release of their third studio record by Capitol Records, Paper Walls. The concert, which got off to an amiable start, quickly became the Woodstock of our decade.
Fans across the country submitted personal requests and messages, each citing that the song they wanted to hear was the best that the band had ‘ever written or performed’, or contained the best lyrics, or strings, or melody, or what-have-you. Before long, heated arguments between the youth across the country formed a powderkeg of teenage passion, and was ignited by a comment uttered by vocalist/guitarist Ryan Key, when mentioning his new album, he suggested that everyone get a copy. “Buy it, download it, do whatever you gotta do.”
And in almost the blink of an eye, authorities were being called in across the country, to cities great and small. True Yellowcard fans railed against ‘bandwagon jumpers’ and downloaders everywhere, outraged at the idea that their favourite band wouldn’t be receiving the monetary credit that they deserved. The evening peaked with a Sales-Con 2 Security Threat level declaration, by the Recording Industry Association of America.
Almost immediately, RIAA task forces began addressing the situation across the country, assaulting the main demographic left and right. Conditioning experts worked around the clock to correct the attitudes of the masses of youth, in what is already being referred to as the largest single example of market persuasion in history.
Where the band have failed to release a statement in regards to the events, or the damages cost far and wide across mainland America, RIAA president Cary Sherman went on record to express the collected grief of the music industry. “This is a classic case of a tragic situation in which Americans are divided by something that should be uniting them,” he said. “That concert could have been a defining moment, a single shining star by which our citizens could come together and celebrate.”
While statistics are somewhat vague and unreliable at this time, it is estimated that only a small number of teenagers have been critically injured, while many more walked away mostly unscathed. Damages equal in the billions of trillions of zamillions, nearly almost a third of the American war deficit to date. Today, the country is doing its part to pick up the pieces, but can the world ever be the same again, after such a momentous blow?
Interested parties can view the concert still, being broadcast on continuous loop for the time being on the Yellowcard Myspace profile. But be warned.
Author’s note: these things may not actually have happened as reported.